Waris Nissar
Quran and Sunnah call for simplicity, character, and righteousness in marriage — but societal expectations, especially in Kashmir, have made Nikah a material burden that delays and discourages unions.
Introduction
Nikah, or Islamic marriage, is one of the most sacred and celebrated institutions in Islam — a bond designed by Allah to bring peace, love, and moral security to individuals and society. Yet in today’s world, and particularly in Kashmir, it has become one of the most challenging Sunnahs to fulfill. What was once a simple, blessed act has been transformed into a complicated, expensive ordeal dominated by materialism, social pressure, and unrealistic expectations. This shift has created emotional, psychological, and spiritual harm — especially for youth — and stands in stark contrast to the guidance found in the Qur’an and the life of the Prophet Muhammad (PBUH).
What the Quran really says about marriage
Islam does not promote wealth, beauty, or social status as prerequisites for marriage. Instead, it commands believers to value character, modesty, and righteousness. Allah says in the Quran: “And marry the unmarried among you and the righteous among your male and female slaves. If they are poor, Allah will enrich them from His bounty.” (Surah An-Nur, 24:32) This verse directly affirms that poverty is not a valid reason to delay or deny marriage. Yet, many families today — particularly in Kashmiri society — insist on fixed income, government jobs, and family assets as essential criteria before considering a proposal. The spiritual and moral traits Islam teaches us to prioritize — taqwa (God-consciousness), humility, good manners — are often ignored.
Character above wealth — A forgotten criterion
The Prophet Muhammad (PBUH) gave us a timeless principle to assess potential spouses: “If a man whose religion and character you are pleased with comes to you [with a proposal], then marry him. If you do not, there will be turmoil on Earth and great corruption.” (Tirmidhi) Sadly, this advice is rarely followed. Many grooms are rejected simply because they do not own a house or car. Many young women are dismissed because of their skin tone, caste, or family background. These rejections aren’t just un-Islamic — they are damaging to individuals and communities. What matters in Islam is not what a person owns but who they are. Their honesty, their prayers, their trustworthiness — not their pay scale or property. “Indeed, the most noble of you in the sight of Allah is the most righteous of you.” (Surah Al-Hujurat, 49:13) This Quranic truth should be the foundation of our marriage decisions, not worldly status.
The Kashmiri crisis: Overaged and overlooked
In Kashmir, the crisis of delayed marriages is growing. Many men and women remain unmarried into their thirties not because they lack faith or desire, but because they cannot meet the unreasonable demands of society. Young men with strong character, deen, and education are overlooked because they do not yet have “settled jobs.” Young women face constant judgment, stigma, and rejection for things they cannot control. This “overage” culture is producing psychological trauma, depression, and frustration. Families are divided, youth feel hopeless, and communities lose their moral balance. Worse still, this delay opens doors to immorality and temptation — something Islam warns against. The Prophet (PBUH) advised: “O young people, whoever among you can marry, let him marry, for it helps lower the gaze and guard chastity.” (Bukhari and Muslim) When we make Nikah difficult, we make sin easy.
The curse of extravagant weddings
Another serious barrier is the obsession with extravagant weddings. In Kashmir, weddings are often defined by how lavish the feast is, how heavy the gold, and how grand the guest list. Families spend lakhs on functions, dowry, and ceremonies — money that could instead support a new couple’s actual life. Islam urges simplicity. The Prophet (PBUH) said: “The most blessed marriage is the one with the least expenditure.” (Bayhaqi) The Prophet married off his daughters with simple dowries and never allowed culture to overshadow Islam. Yet today, families fall into debt just to meet social expectations. In doing so, we block the very barakah (blessing) that Nikah is meant to bring.
What needs to change
The solution is not hidden — it’s in the Quran and the life of our Prophet (PBUH). As a society, we must change our standards. We must begin to ask: Is he honest? Is she kind? Does he pray? Does she observe modesty? Will they support each other in faith? Not — does he have a car? Is her family well-known? What’s the bank balance? What caste? Our elders, scholars, khateebs, and journalists must actively promote this reform. Mosques should facilitate simple Nikah ceremonies. Families must unite to reject lavish demands and prioritize ease, sincerity, and compatibility. The youth must also be educated to value spiritual growth over societal approval.
Conclusion
Nikah is a gift from Allah, not a transaction to be negotiated with gold, status, or lineage. When we return to the original spirit of marriage in Islam — rooted in love, mercy, and mutual respect — we will see stronger families, healthier minds, and more stable societies. Kashmir, with its proud Islamic heritage, must lead by example and revive the prophetic model of marriage: simple, sincere, and rooted in faith. Let us not be the generation that made Nikah so hard that zina (sin) became easy. Let us be the generation that brought it back to what Allah intended: a blessing, not a burden.
But change will only begin when we stop blaming “society” and start correcting ourselves. Society is not greater than Allah — and if we keep using it as an excuse, we are placing it above His command.
(The author is a freelancer and can be reached at [email protected])
